I wasn't, I swear!

I wasn't staring at your breasts. I swear. That meeting this afternoon was so boring, I was looking for anything to keep my mind occupied. But after I dropped my straightened paperclip on the floor for the third time and it bounced out of reach, I had to find a new diversion. Glancing around, my eyes happened upon the odd-looking inscription on your coffee mug. You had it turned so I couldn't make out the first couple letters. Something - Something - R - A - C - L - E ? What the heck is that word? I casually craned my neck to see the rest of the message, only to realize the mug was directly in the line of sight of your breasts. And you had a button loose on your blouse to boot.

I wonder how long you saw me staring and how big of a creep you think I am. Judging by the brief eye contact we made and the hurried realization that your blouse was unbuttoned, I assume there is now a warrant out for my arrest. Or at the very least a restraining order. Now that I think of it, a restraining order would be quite welcome if it prevented me from attending such boring meetings in the future.

I must have looked terribly guilty at the moment, but I swear I wasn't staring at your breasts. I'd apologize, but for what? I did nothing wrong! Perhaps I could try to explain myself. And in explaining myself, I'd ask if I could read the rest of your coffee mug, to know exactly what's going on there. "Oh, Monday's Miracle!" I'd exclaim. "That's cute!" And you'd apologize for ever thinking me such a low life. We'd hug. But then I'd run the risk of hugging inappropriately and you'd think I'm an even bigger creep-o-rama. Nevermind.

What I can't believe is that you're so self-absorbed, that you'd think I would be so enamored at YOUR breasts. Believe you me, there were much better breasts in that room. But you seem to think yours take the cake. Not to mention you are significantly older than I am. And you've had children. Gross. Now I just feel sceevy.

Any by the way. I'm married. Not that I let that prevent me from enjoying a passing glance every now and then. But my standards are a little higher. And based on what I've heard around the water cooler, higher than yours, that's for sure.