Dr. 90210 Heroic

(AP) An elderly man on an American Airlines flight was restrained by passengers, including television's "Dr. 90210," after he got out of his seat and bristled at a flight attendant late Monday, officials said.

The jetliner landed safely in Los Angeles and police took the 104-year-old one-legged man with halitosis, who did not speak English, to a hospital for mental observation, an airport spokeswoman said.

"He evidently started to panic about 15 minutes before landing, when everyone is supposed to be buckled into seats," the spokeswoman said. "He was apparently unhappy with the temperature of his soup served during the inflight meal," she continued.

The man hopped out of his seat in coach and marched into first class. He was undeterred by the curtain separating the elite from the general population.

Dr. Robert Rey, a plastic surgeon who practices martial arts, told The Associated Press he got out of his seat and intervened when he heard the man make a "big noise" as he pushed a female flight attendant away from the cookie tray and tried to grab a handful of free snacks.

"When you get a black belt, at that stage your brain just clicks into action," the doctor said. "I restrained this gentleman in a very aggressive way without hurting him. Afterall, he was a very, very dangerous centenarian." Rey believed he did the right thing, but now is concerned that he will "not be allowed to board future flights carrying these deadly weapons," he said, referring to his right and left fists.

During the struggle with the unruly passenger, Rey used the palm of his hand to break the man's nose. He then reset the nose, performed a quick rhinoplasty, breast augmentation and brow lift on the man before the plane landed.

Another passenger helped as the man kicked and screamed, Rey said. That other passenger described the man's "kicking and screaming" more like "the pathetic wriglings of a 104-year-old invalid with bad breath."

Flight crew members described the man as "very frail" and "not deserving of such an ass whooping from a Beverly Hills bully."

The flight attendant "was shook up but not hurt," Rey said. To be sure, Rey asked the flight attendant to undress so that he could take Polaroid photos of her in front of a blue wall. The flight attendant is scheduled for liposuction and tummy tuck next week.

None of the five crew members or 122 passengers aboard the MD-80 plane from Austin, Texas, reported injuries -- well, except for the old guy who got his butt kicked. The elderly man received a bill for his plastic surgery totalling almost $11,000 from Rey's office.

Rey, who stars on the E! Network reality show "Dr. 90210" about a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, was returning home after taping a cameo segment for John Basedow's latest "Fitness Made Simple" workout video.

"Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks about coming through that first class curtain again," Rey said.

Cynic's Corner: The Da Vinci Code

The Cynic's Corner provides helpful and informative movie reviews without ever seeing the film. Motion pictures are rated on the following scale:

* = Not even worth reading this review
** = Stay home and wait until it's on video.
*** = Stay home and wait until it's on TNT for the tenth time
**** = Boycott the film and march in protest around the multiplex

The Da Vinci Code
***1/2

The books on my shelves display as badges of honor. After completing a good book, I will proudly slide it into place between titles likeThe Wealth and Poverty of Nations, Visions of Gerard or The Complete Stories of Kafka where it will reside in testament to my superior taste and knowledge. In the case of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, after reading it I shamefully hid the book beneath a stack of dirty magazines.

I, like many, read Brown's bestseller in a three-hour period between reruns of The Daily Show. I had been battered about the face by a copy of the book, being told that it was the greatest novel since The Klone and I and that I was an idiot for not reading it. To this day, I don't see what the big deal is. The terrible way in which the book is written leaves one wondering was an editor at all involved? I think the poor syntax and sloppy grammar was probably Brown's best defense in the plagiarism case.

One thing is clear. When you read this book you can tell it would make a great movie. Probably a very long movie, but a good one none-the-less. And the fact that is has stirred up so much controversy, and gotten the evangelicals all huffy, just adds to the intrigue.

Back in October, I called for my own boycott of SONY Pictures after their production of films based on the Left Behind series of books. (Talk about books with a cult following.) Now the Vatican is is calling for their own boycott of SONY Pictures' The Da Vinci Code. Man, I love capitalism. If anyone should be boycotting this film, it should be art historians. The liberties taken with odd interpretations of great masterpieces is far more offensive than any marginally blasphemed messianic figure. I'd just love to see a hoard of museum curators berating ticket buyers at the box office.

The movie is worth seeing, not only for the rush of crossing a picket line, but for the thrill and mystery of a gripping story. Plus, it's worth checking out to see just what exactly is up with Tom Hanks' hair.