Shingles Revisited

Exactly a year ago, I was cut down by the ravages of shingles -- a horrible affliction that cripples you for several weeks. I would say that the worst thing about the shingles is being stuck at home to watch daytime television day after day. But I managed to switch off the TV and get out of bed long enough to scratch out a little ode to my shingles. Enjoy this anniversary retrospective of my shingles, written a year ago today...

My Shingles

It began as an itch near the center of my breast
That seemed a harmless but pesky guest.
It announced its arrival as a tiny red rash
That I marked up to smoking too much cheap hash.

Then not too soon after my chest got an ache
An ache so intense my knees got to quake.
Those rashes grew bigger and deeper dark red,
And all I could do was lie there in bed.

I writhed and I moaned and I cried for my mommy
On the phone I told her, "Gee, mom, I feel crummy."
She told me to rest "it will all be okay."
"See Dr. Margolis and be on your way."

So I rang up the doc and told him the news.
He said to me, "Son, it's only the blues."
"Remember to sleep eight hours per night,
Get some life counseling and you'll be alright."

So I looked to my shrink in continued duress
Who informed me, "Young man, you've got too much stress."
"I think what you need is to quit your new job,
Do something today, don't sit there and sob."

So I went to the phone and I got up the nerve
To call up my boss with vigor and verve.
But when I told them stick it "you know where,"
I hung up the phone and the pain was still there.

So I gathered my strength and I went online
To search out exactly what's afflicting my spine.
I searched and I searched for a description or match
For this bright red rash I continued to scratch.

Neither Lupus nor asthma nor venal stenosis,
Nor pinkeye nor bird flu nor fecal mytosis,
Explained why my torso continued to tingle,
Until I discovered an ailment named shingles.

Once I discovered the affliction I had
I thought to myself, "Hey, it can't be that bad."
But this misery lasts for three weeks or more
With an ache so intense it rattles your core.

The pain can't be told in a cutsie short rhyme,
And you'll know what I mean if it comes in your time.
It's like double the worst pain you've had in your life,
Plus ten thousand hornets on the point of a knife.

I continued to writhe in unbearable pain
Leaving my sheets an unfortunate stain.
The pain was like lightning only twenty times worse
And I found myself praying for my own private hearse.

Percoset blunts the pain you endure
But I wouldn't exactly call it a cure.
All you can do is sit there and wait
And hope that this virus soon will abate.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,"
But I can't bare to take this much longer.
When the angel of death was soon to appear
I felt the drugs had kicked into gear.

I sat up and stretched feeling airy and light
Only to remember it'd be weeks 'til I'm right.
'Cause shingles don't leave for any good reason.
They linger around for most of the season.