It's Good to Be a Monkey

This is a great time to be alive — if you are a monkey living with AIDS, Ebola, cancer, impotency, macular degeneration, toenail fungus or a common cold. Scientists seem to continue to come up with miracle cures for all of the ailments known to man. But only for monekys. You see, they do all this testing on monkeys which is supposed to help them develop a cure for humans, too. Only these cures rarely seem to translate to us! Therefore, monkeys really will rule the earth like in Planet of the Apes. While we're all dying from various epidemics, all these monkeys will be running around, fully innoculated against every pathogen, virus and disease — not to mention they'll all have lots of hair and fungus-free toenails.