Little Miss Car Crash

Tonight, TLC aired the annual the Miss America Pageant. How exactly did the Miss America Pageant end up on "The Learning Channel" anyway? I guess it's every bit as educational as "American Chopper."

Anyway, my favorite part of the competition, hands down, is the multi-car pileup known as the "talent" competition. This year's bill of sequined-clad singers, violinists and ballerinas was every bit as terrible as I'd hoped. And you thought walking around in high heels on a slippery floor, wearing a bikini was humiliating. Try singing an aria along to a pre-recorded track of synthesizers when you're completely tone deaf and don't even know it. Now that's humiliating.

Watching those primped beauty queens humble themselves this evening on basic cable television reminded me of these classic pageant show highlights. I share them with you now.

CAUTION: By clicking the links below, you are voluntarily relinquishing 6 minutes of your life that you will never have back. But I promise you a couple of really good laughs.