Don't Look a Bobblehead in the Mouth

Appended July 27, 2006

On Wednesday, the Phillies are giving away "free to all fans" a Ryan Howard Bobble Figurine. (One would assume that said fans would need to purchase a ticket to Wednesday's game to actually receive the giveaway, but this is not stated explicitly.)

I found it interesting that it's referred to as a "bobble figurine" and not the more familiar "bobblehead doll." I wonder if this is a reference to Howard's defensive shortcomings. While Howard has shown future-Hall-of-Fame power in his first full season in the majors, his fielding is still coming along. The phrase, "hands of stone" comes to mind. But he hits a lot of homeruns, so its easily forgivable.

Never-the-less, this figurine, as seen pictured (right) clearly has a bobbling head. But on this week's Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN, Joe Morgan commented over and over again how steady Howard keeps his head while hitting. So, his lack of a bobbling head actually contributes to his power at the plate.

Maybe a bobblehands doll would be more appropriate after all.

UPDATE: July 27, 2006
It turns out these bobble figurines were pretty popular. Last night's game set a single-game attendance record at Citizens Bank Park. Either that or a lot of scouts were there to see John Leiber and David Delucci with the non-waiver trade deadline looming. Howard went 0 for 2 with a strikeout.

What's in a Brand Name?

Some brand names have become synonymous with the products they produce. For instance, people will ask for a "Kleenex" rather than a tissue, a "Band-Aid" rather than a bandage or "Scotch Tape" rather than cellophane one-sided sticky tape. Some huge brand names are so strong they immediately bring an association to mind. Nike=Shoes. Mercedes=Cars.

But what if some of those brand-name companies made something else entirely? Would these companies have been as successful? Something to ponder. Submit your own in the comments area if you wish. Or just comment on how stupid this whole concept is...

Mr. Clean: Prophylactics
Nokia: Locksmith
Tide: Feminine Hygiene Products
Ivory: Toothpaste
Microsoft: Baby Diapers
Hush Puppies: Dog food
Starbucks: Hollywood Talent Agency
PanAm: Non-stick cooking Spray
Huggies: Special Olympics
Disney: Anti-motion sickness medication
Buster Browns: Police Profiling Training Videos
Gap: Orthodontics
Gucci: Baby clothes
Armani: Prosthetics

How to Write a 10-Page Newspaper

Yesterday, The New York Times announced that they'd be reducing the size of their paper to cut costs. Such an announcement naturally brings out spoofs of The New York Times slogan, "All the News That's Fit to Print." Are they really going to change their mantra to "All the News That Fits?" It doesn't sound like it.

According to the report, "the newspaper plans to add pages to make up for about half of that loss." It appears to me that the Times is simply employing the same trick that most of us tried in high school: how to make the same amount of words fill more pages. Increasing the size of the margins was one of my favorites. But I never thought about trimming down the paper size. That's pretty brilliant. I recall a ten-page paper I wrote in ninth grade on The Scarlet Letter that was conspicuously triple-spaced with 2.75-inch margins. I wonder if my teacher would have noticed if the paper it was written on was also a half-inch smaller than all the other papers in the pile.

Just wait until the Times discovers Bookman Old Style 14.